Public Service Announcement: There are no good people.
There are no good people.
I'll give it a moment and let that sink in. Don't worry. I believe in repetition so I'll say it again: there are no good people.
For some of you, Dear Readers, if you're tuned in with the whole somatic response thing, you may be feeling your heartbeat pick up the pace. Other readers may have just exhaled a bit more deeply. Me... In my body as I type, I feel my fingers picking up speed. My stomach muscles clenching a little - I believe it's resolve.
I'm not the first to mention the dangers of the myth of “Good People” and there will be more to communicate it after me. And if I'm feeling extra scholarly I may include a section of different thought leaders and brave folks who have taken on the topic... Later. For now, I just need to get this off my chest.
I had heard it before and now, after adding my own anecdotal experiences to the mix, I feel moved to shout from the rooftops and whisper to neighbors... There are no good people. No such thing exists.
No one... And I mean no one, gets to take on that title that universally absolves them and makes them “good”. Volunteering at the soup kitchen? Donating a chunk of money or a wing to a hospital? Are you caring for a neighbor's young one? Peace corps? Americorps? A silent retreat? Habitat for Humanity? Walking the dogs at the local animal shelter (that we sometimes call humane society😬)?
... Yeah, none of these activities make a person “good”.
Not only does it not exist, but the myth is dangerous. The number of times I've heard someone try to justify the behavior of a relative, friend, loved one, public figure, religious leader, etc. with the words: “... But they're a good person” is astounding. And it's further convinced me of the danger of this idea... The false binary (yes another one) that I believe is used to help us avoid tough conversations and uncomfortable truths. Because if I'm a “good person” then that thing I did to someone else... Maybe it didn't really happen... Maybe that wasn't “really” me... It was a fluke... The ultimate goal becomes maintaining my “goodness” rather than caring for a fellow being...a member of my global community. To acknowledge and take accountability would be akin to admitting I did the thing... And then what does that mean about who I am? (More on this later.)
Oh and this feels like a good time to add that there are no “bad” people either. Oooh but that side of the myth gets pushed as well...I mean it's the side that usually goes unnamed and perhaps the true motivator of the “good person” myth... The fear of being the “bad person”.
And the lessons around making sure we're not the “bad one” start early. Walk into any elementary class, heck try the exercise with Pre-K, as long as you have a group of young ones who can talk... ask who the “bad kid” is and my guess is 8 out of 10 times the group of kids will be able to quickly and easily come to consensus on who that is in the room. This is not a bash on educators, my guess is it would happen in a group even if the assigned primary caregiver has never uttered the word ‘bad’ in reference to any child in the presence of the children. Try it. Really. Ballet class. Sunday school. Hebrew school. Ask the children.
Dear Reader, if you don't have a young one in your life to do the exercise, try it with your own lived experience: recall back as far as you can into your youth. Can you come up with any of the names of the “bad kids” you were around growing up? Maybe it was you, and if so, I hope you've found healing from the scars that those kinds of labels can leave.
May it be so.
...
So what if we got rid of it entirely? What if there are no good people and no bad people? What if we're all just people? What are we left with?
My belief: I'm left with myself. I'm left with the choices I make each moment of every day I have breath.
Do I cut the person off on the commute? Do I pretend to not see the person not far behind me and let the door close? Do I tell the lie? Do I ignore the friend in pain? Do I let the joke slide? Do I argue that I understand “both sides” to avoid the uncomfortable conversation of telling a friend they're doing something hurtful? Do I take responsibility for when I hurt someone or do I double down on why my actions are justified? Do I speak up for myself when I'm mistreated?
To me, in that moment, the donation a person made last month, last week, yesterday, is of no matter....a lifetime of kindness, awesome, AND who will I be right now? In this present moment?
If someone is having to explain to me “...but they're a good person...”, I have a pretty good guess that whomever they're referring to made a hurtful choice. Take heart dear reader, we, at least all of us humans, will do hurtful things. We will opt to be in ways that harm other beings. It is part of this journey as souls in earthly bodies. AND as long as we have breath, we have opportunity. There's a chance to make a different choice. Be in a different way.
Literally 😭🥹✨🤞🏾🙏🏾❤️🔥😍🥺🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨💖💖💖🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯 thank you I want to print this out quite literally and have it to hand because these words exactly these words exactly these words EXACTLY (not least your moving articulation of your belief in repetition that I am fully taking on board because I agree and I am afraid and you made me want to allow myself and you said it so well - see why I could copy paste and repeat each paragraph x 10000? Thank you!!!! Big love!!!!) xxxxxx